I try not to get too upset by the texting-based trend of contracting perfectly good words to a rebus of sometimes indecipherable characters. But mostly I just shrug it off because I don’t use those gadgets and tools that specialize in reducing communication clarity.

But sometimes I get a chuckle or good laugh out of the concept. Just the other day I laughed at the May 27 installment of Adrian Raeside’s comic The Other Coast. There the cell phone texter had eliminated almost all the vowels. “omg u r my bfflnmw u qtpi.”

The next day in Working Daze, by John Zakour and Scott Roberts, one of the characters says that she’d save more time if she eliminated all the consonants instead. “AY I EE O EE OU O”.

In keeping with the trends, and moving them forward, I think I’m going adopt both these strategies, removing vowels and removing consonants for my texting, blogging, IMs, and the like. So, you’ll know it’s me when you receive the cogent, succinct, efficient
“

.”

I look forward to your response, in kind.
Steve Lange
Senior Editor
Palo Alto Software

I found the following story on several Internet sites.

At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, and a calculator.

The Attorney General and the Secretary of Homeland Security believe the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Al-Gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent in a search of absolute value.

They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names like “x” and “y”, and, although they are frequently referred to as “unknowns”, we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the great Greek mathematician Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle, and if God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.

Therefore, I’m extremely grateful that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are so willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard.

These statistic scumbags love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence.

Under the circumferences, it’s time we differentiated their root, made our point, and drew the line. These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimate everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex.

As our Great Leader would say, “Read my ellipse.”

Here is one principle he knows with certainty, they continue to multiply, their days are numbered and the hypotenuse will tighten around their necks.

Funny, yes? I think so.

Mark Twain said, “The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning-bug.”

The story above is also a cautionary tale about spell checker software, and the almost-right word. Everything in that story is spelled correctly, but many words are very incorrect in the context of Homeland Security. My spell checker just breezed right on by those.

If you make similar mistakes in the business plan you submit, the bank, the investors, the venture competition judges, or your MBA professors will also get a good laugh … and keep right on chuckling as they send your plan to the Out box.

Proofread your plan. Have someone who wasn’t involved in writing the plan read it over. Implement the edit suggestions you receive.

Steve Lange
Palo Alto Software